Short and Sweet today…
Its Saturday the 22nd of October and its 14:00 and Rich and I are heading to see Gramps.
We arrived to find him sleeping. He is chatting between sleeps, but it feels like it did a week ago. This is what I was frightened of after hearing the positive news. But having spoken to the team he was really unsettled so is probably just exhausted. Gramps was wearing a gown still, but it was a shirt style so I’m guessing that his son has not brought anything in for him as was requested. We sat and talked about how he was when he woke up and he was reacting to the songs on the radio which was lovely. My cousin said she was arriving at 2:00pm. Gramps had a few sips of water but said he really wanted to just sleep today. We stayed until 2:30pm and there was still no sign of my cousin or her daughter. I hope that they bring the items today as he looks a little big for the shirt. He gave me a kiss goodbye and said he was going back to sleep. I was a little worried about how tired he was but understand if he was up all night he would be.
Taking My Own Advice and the Guilt Trip..
On Sunday the 23rd of October I did a terrible thing and decided to hide at home today and I didn’t call the hospice. I have not heard from my cousin since yesterday so not sure if she has stayed down or not. We have not spoken today, and she hasn’t asked how gramps is today so either she knows by either being there or hearing from her dad. I felt like I really needed a day to chill. I know that is terrible, but I really couldn’t face people today. I feel guilty but know I needed to relax for day as I have a big couple of weeks coming up at work and that’s without whatever Gramps journey is going to take this week. I always tell family carers to make sure they look after themselves and today I had to take some of my own advice. I do now however, know how hard that is and how guilty you feel. Even if the person you want to be with 24/7 doesn’t even remember you being there!! This experience is teaching me lots of lessons along the way and giving me the family feeling and situation side of this dementia journey.
Balancing Life and Work while feeling on duty for Gramps..
Monday the 24th of October. Came to see gramps for a couple of hours. He was very sleepy today and the team said they had tried to move him again without success. He feels a bit more like he did in hospital today. He has chatted a little in-between sleep but not so engaging today. I have sat and carried out some on-line training sessions whilst sitting with him today. Its funny that now he is in here I feel so differently. I can focus on work more and the day-to-day bits that need doing.
Preparing Not To be Here Again.
It feels a bit short and sweet today, but I need to head back to get some bits done in the office. He is sleeping so much so don’t feel too bad leaving today. It does make me think that last week’s optimism is starting to fade, ever the sceptic I am not sure that any improvements are going to be seen now sadly. I told Gramps that I wouldn’t be here tomorrow as its payroll so need to be in the office to make sure the staff get paid!! He said goodbye and please God, when I said I will see him Wednesday, and that all I can hope for.
