The Call we all Dread…
Managed to get away to the hospice just after 11:00am and its Friday the 28th of October. On route I had the call I have been dreading again and that’s Gramps has taken a turn for the worse and his breathing is bad. I was only 10 minutes away at this time so grateful that I was on route. I arrived to find that his breathing was bad and over the next hour became very rattly. The sound we all dread! The team came in and updated me with what had been happening and the lovely lady that had called said she had phoned as she was concerned that he was not great. They gave him some pain relief and he settled. I spent an hour chatting quietly with him while that took hold, and his breathing then settled a bit. His son was on route from London, so I knew I had possibly two hours before he arrived. I am always torn at this stage not wanting him to die but also not wanting him to live like this anymore. A battle I’m sure everyone at this stage with a loved one feels.
Time to put my Big Girl Pants on..
His son arrives and sits in the other chair at the bottom of the bed, so I asked him if he wanted to sit next to him where I was, but he said no. I went to make a tea and offered him one, I know what you’re thinking and no I wasn’t going to deposit something! Tempting but he declined anyway! Gramps has been very settled until about 1ish when he started to experience a little discomfort starting with some face grimacing and then followed by some arm movements pushing down on the bed. I notified the nurses, and they came and administered some medication. I tried to engage a conversation with his son but to no avail he was too busy on his phone. Gramps did come too a little and was trying to scratch his face but couldn’t quite get there, I was joking with him saying couldn’t he find his nose and he cracked up laughing! I said to Gramps that his son was here and asked his son to chat, so he knew he was there but nothing!! A waste of a moment I felt but it’s his call on what he remembers. Once the pain relief kicked in the nurses came to check that the pain wasn’t a bowel movement and I stepped out to the garden area and watched his son leave! So, he stayed for about an hour and we didn’t argue or murder one another so that was good! The nurse came to get me and said that his son said he had to go. I asked if he spoke to Gramps, and she said he said “bye Dad, I will see you tomorrow” apparently a bit peed off that he got no response! When I came back in Gramps was awake and I asked if he was ok, he looked sad, and I asked if he was upset that his son left, and he shrugged. People really don’t know what to do or how to act I know that. But when you have been told by someone who knows what they are doing and does end of life care for a living, that you should chat and engage normally and grab every moment you can. Gramps was noticeably upset, when I joked and said oh well gramps, apart from you the men are all rubbish aren’t they in this family, he smiled and went back to sleep. Gramps has been listening all day and when he has had the energy he has responded even if it was only a raised eyebrow or half a stink eye. Just keep talking to them and keep them included they haven’t left us yet!
Surprise visitor to the Hospice today!..
Forgot to mention, that today the hospice had a lovely Shetland Pony visit the residence. It’s not something you see every day and Gramps was unaware of the goings on, but the lady next door was so responsive it was lovely.
So, it’s now nearly 7pm and Gramps is very settled his breathing does seem to have slowed a little. He hasn’t woken to any noises for a few hours now. It’s tough to know what to do now, stay or go? I am watching and listening to his breathing and just don’t know what to do about leaving him. I know from experience that this could be hours away or could be days still. I am on call this weekend and hope that there isn’t another emergency so I can be with Gramps. The supervisors have all said they will step in for me and they have been so supportive. But do I stay or go?????? So, I have decided to head home, it’s just after 8pm. Fingers crossed that he is comfortable in the night, and I get to spend some more time with him tomorrow.
Just another Hiccup!.
So, its Saturday the 29th of October and its 5 weeks since Gramps’ fall. Its 11:30am and I am sitting back with Gramps who has made it through the night comfortably. He has been sleeping most of the visit today. He did wake up following a nightmare and we had a little interaction. It’s at this stage that you notice the subtle little movement in his face and could miss them if you’re not paying attention. I was chatting to one of the nurses and was saying how easy it is to just assume people are sleeping just because their eyes are shut. He is listening to me and reacts when he can. Gramps has been getting regular hiccups the last couple of weeks and he always engages with me when we talk during and after those. Even today with very little movement now he reacts. I hope that everyone reading this remembers this if they ever find themselves sitting with someone. Don’t assume they are sleeping, and don’t worry about waking them gently to let them know you are there. They will be comforted by your presence and will soon drift back off if they need to.
He is in Good Hands…
His breathing has been very settled and there is a slight crackle to his breath. He is clearly comfortable though. It’s funny how some days you feel terrible about going and others you feel comfortable knowing he is in good hands. I knew this week would be a difficult one as I am on-call, even though I know my staff would rock it if I needed to stay. I still have a responsibility to them and will be heading off soon. I know that the hospice team will call me if he starts to decline.
