Grandad has passed away..
I have been putting this off all afternoon. Its 20:00pm on Sunday the 30th of October and I’m writing to say that at 12:30 this afternoon Gramps took his last breath. My brother and I were with him, and I was holding his hand. I really couldn’t have asked for more. He was comfortable and it happened quickly.
I arrived just before 11am and found Gramps a little rattly in his breathing. I was sure when I saw him that today was the day. I sat with him and chatted for a while. Then my brother called and asked if I was with Gramps and that he was coming to see him. Just before he arrived Gramps took a turn for the worse. I asked the nurses if they could give him something to help and they kindly did. Sadly, it only eased a little, but enough to make him comfortable again. My brother arrived and we made a tea and then went back in the room with Gramps. We sat for about half an hour and then the end began. A few big breaths, holding his hand telling him we loved him, and he was gone
For weeks I have been sitting with him as much as I have been able to, so he was not alone at that last moment. I am heartbroken of course but also privileged and honoured that my brother and I had those last precious moments with him. The team at the hospice were so kind to him and the family and their support throughout his time there will never be forgotten.
A Toasted Tea Cake with a big dollop or memory…
I remember sitting in the lounge of the house he lived in all my life and getting him to sit on the floor in front of the sofa in the front room and he used to allow me to put curlers in his hair. I have memories of him taking me and my brother over the wreck with Sadie and Sparky our dog and his and him pushing us on the swings. The golf lessons that would take over our summer holidays and the frustrations he had when I couldn’t take it seriously! I hated getting to the club but once I was up there it was great, and I loved watching him be proud of shots I took and throwing the ball back to tell me to try it again! Him darting into the bushes to water the plants! Coming out with blackberries to eat along the way. One thing that has always been a favourite thing of mine is a toasted tea cake, even to this day they are my favourite and remind me of finishing a round of golf and going into the restaurant at Northwood Golf Club for a pot of tea for two and a toasted tea cakes. The weird thing is I had toasted tea cakes for breakfast today and a thick slice of cut bread toast, another thing us grandkids will always treasure is the thick bit of cut bread swimming in butter! A grandad special.
Now my go to person has left me…
I could list a million memories, but they are for me to treasure so sorry that’s all your getting! I am hoping that this blog has helped someone on some level. If you have followed me from the start, then thanks for staying with me it’s been a tough journey. This has really helped me especially when I’ve been sat next to Gramps while he has been sleeping. I hope now that I can greave because I am not good at that bit. I hope that he is now at peace, and I hope he is with my mum. I know I was a nightmare teenager and caused my mum lots of stress which Gramps helped her through. I was close with Gramps and was probably more honest with him than any other family member, having conversations that some might not think a grandad and granddaughter could have, but I was just that comfortable I could share anything. When I was a child, I know there were times when I was a little scared of him, with no reason other than he was a formidable man. As I grew so did our relationship. I hope that I made him proud of my achievements and I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today without his input. I was lucky enough to live with him for a few years and we supported each other through Mums illness. The last years have been hard as I haven’t been able to see him as I would have liked to. But I got to be with him so much over the last few weeks and I will treasure the laughs and moments we have shared.
Treasured moments…
The hardest thing now is I will never get to dance with you again or hold your hand. You will never tell me to watch what I’m doing. I’ll never get a love you Bugsy! But I had 45 amazing years of you in my life and I will treasure every moment and memory.
To end this all I can say is Gramps thank you with all my heart and it’s been Magic!!!!
