Day 6
Tuesday the 18th of October. This morning was an epic journey into the hospital. It took over an hour and a half. Definity worth it to find Gramps awake and really chatty. He has a bit of colour to his face this morning and was asking some questions about what was happening. He was very calm about being in the hospital and after saying that we will just have to see what happens, said he was going to have a snooze. It didn’t look like he has had much to eat this morning but that’s fine. He has fresh water and has drunk some juice by the looks of it. The nurses haven’t reported any issue during the night, so we carry on as we have been for the last five days and see what today holds.
How is he improving?..
Gramps has been lucid today and has engaged with the nurses and doctor who has been into see him. He had a few mouthfuls of his tea and a spoonful of soup. He is awake a little more today and has his eyes open more. He seems much more aware of what’s happening around him. The doctor said that the paperwork has been completed this end for his transfer and they are now just awaiting a bed at the hospice to become available. I updated everyone and my brother asked how is he improving? Good question because he isn’t, is the answer. I can’t explain the lucidness or the way he looks better than he has, but to anyone who provides end of life care at the palliative end knows, it can be peaks and troughs. Good days and bad, well and unwell, you just never know when it will end. I asked the doctor if it is likely that it will come on suddenly regarding the perforated bowel and he said it’s hard to say, he said some people it hits quickly and decline quickly and others it’s just a steady decline. So, no one knows what is going to happen, we just need to be here for him on whatever journey his illness takes him.
He remembered my name!..
I was asked by a colleague yesterday about how I can just sit here with Gramps all day. The answer is simple, I want to have every possible moment with him I can. The last two years and through covid was horrible. I haven’t been able to see him as I want to and being at his house is very uncomfortable with the family dynamics. So, I am making up for all that time by sitting with him now when no one else can. I was just checking on him as he had woken up and gave him a sip of tea before laying him back down and he said my name! This might not sound exciting, but it has brought me to tears. He hasn’t known who I am in his dementia reality for about 3 years. I have not said my name at all, and he called my name. I don’t have kids, but I am sure it felt the same as hearing their first word. It’s a moment I must treasure and has made sitting here all worthwhile. I may never hear him say my name again, but he did today and that means the world that he may somewhere in his memory know it’s me with him.
On the move tomorrow…
We have had the news that he has a bed at the hospice and will be traveling in the morning. I hope this means it will be more peaceful for him to rest as the ward is extremely noisy and people don’t take any care to see who is sleeping while they carry out their work. I will call in the morning to find out what time his transport is booked. If its early, then I hope to go straight to the hospice and see that he is all settled. We have spent most of the afternoon chatting. He had some pain relief and had a little sleep but has been chatting loads and having really clear conversations which has been brilliant.
The late afternoon and evening have been very quiet from Gramps. I had a message from my cousin to say that her dad called to say he was called to say that Gramps would be moving in the afternoon tomorrow. Being the ever-suspicious person regarding these two, especially after I was informed earlier, they were getting him a morning transfer. I got the nurse to check for me, only to find out that he is booked on a 9:00am transport. So, unless something changes, he should be heading off early doors. So, it leaves me with a question as to what do they hope to gain my telling me it’s the afternoon? Is it so I drive all the way here to find him gone and waste the petrol, time, and money? Or is it simply so they feel powerful in controlling the situation? Who flipping knows, but I will call in the morning to check he is going and at what time in case transport is delayed which happens. I will then head to the hospice to meet the team and sit with Gramps as I have been if allowed. I have thanked the team here looking after Gramps in case I don’t come back tomorrow. It has been really reassuring after the blip on Saturday that he is well liked and looked after. I shall shortly say my goodbyes to him again for another night and head home. Hopefully the next time I see him will be in a quiet more respectful environment.
