Day 4
Its Sunday the 16th of October, and Rich and I are back on the ward. I have to say that I wasn’t sure that we would find Gramps alive today. I think the fact he was so bright when we left and the lack of attention, he received the night before filled me with trepidation that they wouldn’t even notice if he had passed away in the night. However, we have arrived to a very cross Gramps this morning. They have apparently upset him trying to offer breakfast and a wash, to which he told them to naff off, leave him alone and turn the light back off! The lovely assistant tried again just after we arrived and was met with the same grumpy gramps this morning. He was very clear in what he didn’t want to happen and the lady after some reassurance from me let him be. I have already spoken with the nurse assigned to him today which is great and was told that he had a peaceful night and still no medication has been required. I have to say that I was full of dread today with no real basis to that feeling only the unsettling experience of yesterday, I guess. I hope that tomorrow if we are still in this position that he will get his bed at the hospice and will be moved. This morning Gramps has a cup of tea next to him and a fresh jug of water which is great and confusing after the great clear fluid’s discussion of yesterday. I figure that the odd sip of anything isn’t at this stage going to do him any harm!
Bringing back painful memories…
My brother came to see him at lunch time, and he offered to stay with Gramps while Rich and I grabbed something for lunch. I am so happy that my brother was able to do this as I know the family are struggling with this journey Gramps is on. I am so lucky to have Rich by my side while I am there for Gramps. I am proud that my brothers have stepped up in this difficult time. They both struggle since the passing of our mum some 12 years ago now and being around Gramps when he was all tubed up was bringing back lots of memories for them. We had chatted a bit about this yesterday which seems to have helped certainly my youngest brother. I think in these circumstances it is easier for me as I am around people who are end of life or living with conditions such as dementia, so I am more comfortable with the awkward moments. Please don’t think I don’t care, I do dearly, I am just better at not having my moments Infront of anyone. I often have a bloody good cry on the drive to the hospital, especially when I am touching base with work colleagues. Being around at the end of lives is the bit that By Your Side, does the best, if that doesn’t sound weird. It’s the time when we are so honoured to be there with an individual we have supported and a time when families really need us. It can be so difficult and heart wrenching to watch a loved one’s life leaving them. For us it’s the cherry on the cake of the service we provide and it’s the most important time to ensure that everyone has as peaceful a passing as possible. Sitting here with Gramps is something I would do for any of my customers if they needed it, so being with my family member at this time is a no brainer for me.
Restoring some faith…
It’s been a busy afternoon with Gramps, the team have been in and out and have managed to give him a shave. They have changes his sheets a couple of times and I’m guessing they are preparing for the inevitable. We have had a couple of lovely chats today, but they are sadly becoming fewer as he sleeps more. I am happy that he is sleeping and appears in no pain. Today he has mentioned that his stomach has been sore a couple of times but didn’t want anything for it and went back off to sleep easily. I worry that today is the start of his decline. The team have been in much more frequently and have stayed in the room with him for long periods. I am grateful for the care he has received today, and his nurse has been very attentive today. It is like night and day to yesterday. He looks like gramps today with his shaved face looking much more like himself. I am noticing an increase to facial expressions that could be discomfort and he is starting fidget more. He is still in generally good spirits so we can only hope this continues.
Give me a minute kid and I’ll walk you home..
Gramps slept a lot this early evening, Rich and I had an ear each of his headphones watching a series on Netflix. We chatted and I got up and interacted with him as he woke between his naps. He became very chatty again before we left, and when I told him we were leaving to get some sleep, he said “give me a minute kid and I’ll walk you home”, bless him. That made me smile so much because this is a very Gramps thing to have done when he was able. I told him that Rich will be dropping me home and satisfied that I was safe he nodded back off to sleep. We said I goodbyes to the night team and head home, never knowing if leaving was the right thing to do. We go to sleep hoping we don’t get that call but have everything ready to jump back in the car and get here if needed.