Day 5
I cannot believe its Monday morning on the 17th of October, and I have the pleasure of spending another day with Gramps. It’s a workday today so have some work to get on with today. Each day roles into one and remembering that the world carries on when you are focused on one person is difficult. I arrived this morning to find one of the nurses in with Gramps having successfully given him some breakfast and some tea. Still not sure about the clear fluids only when he’s just had tea and porridge, at this stage I’m just happy if he wants to eat and drink and they know best so we will go with the flow! He was chatty with me when I arrived, and they had managed to get him washed and repositioned which is great. He had some more tea with me and then went off to sleep for a while. I will touch base with the team shortly to find out how he was through the night, but nothing looks like it was needed from a medical point of view. They have cleared some of the items not being used so it looks like a good start to the day.
Still bringing a smile to my face..
The lovely team are on again today and it makes such a difference to the feel on the ward. Gramps indicated that he was a little uncomfortable when the nurse came in and they have administered the first dose of pain relief. He has now slept for ages but hasn’t been fidgeting in his sleep, so it’s taken the edge off I’m guessing. He was funny when asked if he wanted some relief, he at first said no, then asked what he was going to do then, his reply was to wait for it to wear off. He cracks me up so much with his little one liner just like the good old days. I have kind of thrown myself into work today and got so much done. We have had a few nice moments of chat, but these have been less today which is understandable. He has been trying to move a lot less and looks so peaceful. The team have been checking in regularly and have kept topped up with tea throughout the day today, which I am very grateful for.
I spoke to the palliative team today and asked if they are planning to move him to the hospice and he said that they would put through the paperwork, the nurse said there was nothing on the notes yet. I am a little sceptic to see if this will fruition at this stage. If we could have the team that are in today every day until the end it would be great for Gramps. They are so kind and thoughtful.
Family dynamics that lead to the dramas..
I had to step out of the room as Gramps’ son arrived for a visit. I have mentioned the very long story that is for another day, that has led to us not being in the same room at the same time if we can help it. Today was a tough one that is noteworthy as I am sure many families of people at the end of life must deal with the family dynamics. So, I took myself off to a chair in the corner of the ward corridor and carried on my work and was chatting to a colleague, when my delightful uncle came out to speak to the nurse. I will not go into detail about the exact words as I have only just calmed myself, but he made it very clear that I was not an attorney for my Grandad and there was a big legal case that decided that him and his daughter should be in charge. I was not to be consulted and not called should anything happen to Gramps while I wasn’t here. He was the next of kin and him and his daughter are concerned that I am interfering in the care for my grandad, and they are not sure why I am here! I managed to keep my bum on the chair, and I am not sure if he even knew I was there. He Definity doesn’t know I have pretty sharp hearing, he’s deaf as a post!! I think that even at this stage in Gramp’s health decline it was so sad that he couldn’t even leave it alone now. It is very hard to hear that people think you are up to mischief at every turn, especially on no grounds. The sad fact is that he wants to claim he is his carer, next of kin and that he looks after Gramps, yet it is while in his care that Gramps was found at the bottom of the stairs, not for the first time, leading to his current condition. The sad fact here is that families are a pain in the arse, there are the same characters in every family, I am sure.
The cast.
The cast is always the same, and that’s the same for this sad family story too:
- The heroine, that would have been my mum. She was the glue that held us all together and she was the one everyone loved. She was sadly not in this story, but it is because of her that all other characters became who they did after she died.
- The protagonist, that would be Gramps. The whole family looked up to him and we all gravitate around him and his aura. Some of us for the love for him, some for the love of what he had to offer, which leads us to the main characters in this story.
- The antagonist, foil or anti-hero, this is Gramps’ son. He has spent the last few years scheming, stealing and corrupting views of some of the other characters. He has played the victim and hero but as with all these characters, he does not have the heart to care what destruction it causes. He is selfish and believes everyone is plotting and dishonest, which is just his reflection, but thinks everyone else is the same!
- The deuteragonist, that’s me! Unless you speak to the family after the start of this story then I would be the villain! I have spent this story trying to advise and support Gramps to stay safe as promised to my mum before she died. Sadly, all that his son did was twist the perception of me and sadly the characters who only feature in one episode, sadly caused the painful end to this story, unbeknown to them.
- The damsel in distress, who I cast as my cousin who started off nobbily in this story but got sucked in by the dark side and ended up being the sidekick of the anti-hero! It is her dad after all!
- There are the stock characters who appear for a short time and have impacted at certain moments that lead to the unfolding destruction of the family as we knew it when the heroine would have held it all together!
I am sure you can read this and cast a place for everyone in your family. Hopefully not to the detriment of any one character as in my story. Which I may tell one day! The point is that we gravitate around family and when you take out the key characters the family can sometime topple. This family has two side my brothers and I, who do not share my grandads’ names, and his namesakes. When that final breath is taken by my grandad the family will be split for good. There is no love between the two side except for this magnificent man lying in the bed next to the chair I write this on. When he goes the family goes which should be a sad event a family breaking forever but sadly it offers me relief. I dread the moment when he leaves us but there is relief with that last breath for him and I.
So, it’s that time of the day when I will hold his hand and tell him I’m off home for a sleep and will be back in the morning. This is a moment I dread every day but today more so for the horrible events of earlier.